Comments:
His intro is weird, confusing and ambiguous.
2nd paragraph: do not use double negatives-super confusing!!! "Don't you just wish...wouldn't"??
"pointy object" be more mature... His vagueness is distracting and confusing.
3rd paragraph: sentences are choppy, awkward flow. "shit" is not appropriate- could've said "teased"
4th paragraph: I don't agree with the writer at all and I think bringing God vs science is a touchy subject. Once again, sentence structure could be improved.
Bad transition to 5th paragraph but I really like your ending.
6th paragraph: don't be so choppy because it doesn't read well.
I admit I like the conclusion the most out of every other paragraph in this paper.
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